Thursday, August 29, 2013

There Is Grace for That

When I am so overwhelmed, I can hardly breathe for the anxiety...

There is grace for that.

When I snap at a co-worker, or fail to return a phone call, or forget my password for what must be at least the thousandth time...

There is grace for that.

When I am unsure if my extreme emotions are my own or due solely to new medication...

There is grace even for that.

When the exuberance of my children sounds like clanging, the whining like grating, the silliness like more than I can bear...

Is there still grace for that?

When the fog is descending and the questions are coming so much faster than the answers ever could, when the speed of life seems to have increased just as my ability to cope seems to have vanished, when my breath is whooshing and my pulse sounds deafening, yet somehow sleep is beckoning all the livelong day...

Grace? Where is grace for that?

Sometimes the grace is found in the admitting. It's in the lying down with the two-year-old in the calm of the evening. 
"Are you sick, Mommy?" 
"No, baby. Mommy's just super crabby."
"We should pray for you. You do it."
"You're right, baby. We should. Jesus, I'm sorry that I'm crabby. Please forgive me for all the sins that I've done today while feeling like this. Please help me to be kind. Please help me not to feel super crabby anymore. Amen."

And there it is. There are snuggles. There are sweet kisses. There are whispers in the dark. 

And there is grace for that.

In the morning, when the fog descends again and the breathing becomes shallow, when day is looming and despair is threatening and tears start streaming...

Again, where is grace for that?

Maybe it's found in a simple invitation in between the sobs.
"I am a mess. I invite You into the middle of it. Do with it what you will." 

And the breathing slows, and the sun peeks through, and a smile beckons as He sits in the middle of my beautiful mess...

Because there is grace for that.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)

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