Wednesday, February 20, 2013

It's Over

That for which I worked over a year has come to fruition. The adoption is complete and we are home. With that comes a huge sense of relief, but also a lingering anxiety. I feel almost like a PTSD-type reaction, like I can't really relax. 

Spiritually, I'm spent.

While I could literally feel the prayers of people when we were in country, I couldn't help but respond to the darkness of the place. We were devoid of any Christian fellowship in a spiritually oppressive environment, going through a huge spiritual battle for the life of our son. Without the prayers of the saints at home, we may not have survived.

Glimpses of "normalcy" are what's keeping me going at present. A Bible study on my shelf that has nothing to do with adoption is beckoning me. A coffee date with my girlfriends in which we can discuss their lives is planned. A return date to work is already on the calendar.

Life goes on. I need it to just go on. I need to rest in the mundane and put the urgent behind me. I need to let the adrenaline seep from my veins. I need to get to a place where fear is not my default emotion.

I'm not sure how to get there, but I believe gratitude is a good place to start.