What happens when you find you've bitten off more than you can chew? When life is overwhelming and you cannot even see to take the next step, nor do you have any clue what that step should be?
After waiting for quite awhile for it to pass, I am starting to accept that overwhelmed is my new address. This is where I live. With one child with acceptable special needs and another with behavioral special needs, plus all the other "normal" kids with their less than stellar attitudes and regular needs, I am undone. Add in pregnancy hormones and symptoms and I am barely functional.
No one understands. When I try to explain the heartache, frustration, and helplessness I feel parenting the child with behavioral problems, I feel judged or the situation is minimized. Some would have me "lay down the law" without ever seeing firsthand the raw fear that crosses his face when he is in a rage. Some tell me they've "been there, done that" and their kid outgrew it, solidifying for me my suspicion that they have no clue what I'm talking about. The emotional exhaustion I feel after dealing with him, or the fear I have that I can't keep all of us safe in the middle of it, remain unnoticed by those in my circle.
Disorganization is my norm. Chaos is starting to rule. I am beginning to believe that successfully doing this (my life) is impossible. I am at a loss.
At this juncture, the only thing I know to do is humble myself before the Lord. He has promised grace to the humble and I so desperately need grace.